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[notsonewbie]

derringers

derringers#1225

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ABOUT ME

Meryl Stryfe, at your service!

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(Unless it's about something Vash did)

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[scads]

( it almost feels as though he's breaking himself open in front of her, admitting to all of the things that are spilling out of his mouth; like he's willingly digging into the spaces between his ribs and prying them apart, letting her see all the delicate, intricate inner workings that no one has seen except for vash.

that he'd never wanted anyone but vash to see, because he'd been there from the very beginning, from the start and end of their falling apart, and now, he's … trying to build something else from the ground up. lay the framework, the foundation that terrifies him so completely that a part of him wants to step away from it, but won't, can't, because he can't keep being afraid of moving forward.

he can't keep being afraid of what the future holds for him, and anyone that finds themselves in his periphery.

she speaks, says hi name — nai — and his throat tightens almost painfully. ) I'm not sure of what I deserve. ( he says slowly, thickly, like the words are molasses in the back of his throat and have little want to let themselves be known. ) Not after everything I've done, and your kindness is surely not a part of anything I do deserve. ( a beat, and he almost reaches out to her, wanting to pull her into a hug, but restrains himself from the motion. ) But the selfish part of me is glad to have it, regardless.

( thank you. )

[notsonewbie]

[Knives — Nai — might be peeling himself open, but for Meryl, the process couldn't be gentler. She all but holds her palms out, cupped together to accept this sacred offering. She doesn't have to use her imagination to know what he must be going through, figuratively and literally. It didn't take much investigation to know that this was untread ground for him.

Not after everything I've done, he says, leaving Meryl to consider the very same. It doesn't change her answer, only leaves her to wonder where it all fits in. It isn't her place to forgive him of his sins, not the ones that don't involve her at least. But it doesn't have to be, not really. Not when she thinks about it.]

We can't change what happened before. [She's trying to channel her best impression of what Vash might say. He's always been the paragon of forgiveness, and making said forgiveness sound believable.] But since you've gotten here, you've at least been nothing but kind to me. And if this is meant to be some kind of... new start or something, then I'd say you deserve it, based off of that merit.

[Okay, yeah. Maybe she should save this for Vash. She offers a nervous, almost guilty smile.]

Look. I know it doesn't mean much, coming from me. [She's small. Her gun is smaller. There isn't much she can do.] But I'll do what I can to make sure that safety isn't disturbed, okay?

[scads]

( vash doesn't even know about everything — he can't, with how their memories seem to be skewed, and even though he hasn't asked directly, he's already come to the conclusion that there are things missing for his brother that are still fresh in his own memory. one day, they're going to have to have that conversation —

and he doesn't want to have it. he doesn't want to think of his twin, that he's finally managed to reconnect with so intimately pushing him away and wanting nothing to do with him. because he's convinced that's how it would go.

meryl was there. meryl had seen every single bit of it, and she still accepts him. his faults, his flaws and everything in-between. the things that he would go back and change, given the chance, would make right as though they had never happened in the first place.

vash has always been the forgiving one, yes — but would he be able to forgive him if he knew everything?

he's quiet for a moment once she's finished her piece, and there's something — something warm and soft and safe that urges him to reach out to her, gently cupping the side of her face with one large hand, thumb stroking lightly over the highest point of her cheekbone. it's a small gesture in comparison to everything she's offering him here, but he can't think of anything else to give her. not yet. )

But it does mean something, coming from you. You aren't obligated to say any of the things you've said, and here you are … sounding so much like my brother that it's almost uncanny. ( he chuckles at his own poor joke, but sobers up quickly enough. ) I don't— ( he shakes his head, more to himself and whatever intrusive thoughts are trying to encroach on this feeling of belonging. ) I don't think I could ever explain how much it means, just know … please know that it makes all the difference in the world.

[notsonewbie]

[The hand settles against her face, and Meryl jumps instinctively. It isn't Knives fault by any stretch. The problem with Meryl is that she spent so much time back home with her nose in a book, in her studies, in her work, that she never gave herself the chance to live. And so any contact is bound to startle her. Especially when it comes from Millions Knives.

(It doesn't help that she hasn't had the crash course in physical contact and affection that the masquerade would come to provide. This is probably the first time anyone has ever touched her, save for one very unwarranted manhandling out of a certain city.)

That doesn't mean she stays away, though. When her brain finally processes what is happening, her head leans back into the touch. Her cheeks, as Knives will undoubtedly feel, begin to warm. She doesn't mind this at all, it would seem, especially given the way her hand rises up to settle above his own.]

Vash has a way of changing the people he spends time around, doesn't he? [The words are warm, just as affectionate as any she's dished out to Knives. Vash is probably the person she's closest to, her best friend. Of course she would be changed by him.]

Just don't think it's because of him. Or an obligation to him. I'm here because it's my choice. I want to - uh, take care of you - because that's my call.

[scads]

( he's never been so tactile, and such a move surprises him just a little bit, too — but it doesn't feel wrong by any stretch of the imagination, though there is a flicker of concern that disrupts his expression and he does think, for a small moment, that it had been too much, too soon. he's never been impulsive, not like this, anyway. maybe she's bringing it out of him.

he almost retracts his hand, his touch entirely but she ends up leaning into it in a way he isn't really expecting, but to say he'd been expecting any of this in the first place would be trying to get away with the biggest, fattest lie he's ever told, and while he might be a damn good manipulator, that doesn't mean he's a very good liar when it comes to things like this. he'll actually be pretty terrible at it, if he ever tries, but let's just hope that he doesn't.

her skin is warm, and soft, and pleasing in a way that he doesn't think he has a word for, yet; it's remarkably essay to be like this with her, sharing space and quiet conversation and, previously, tea. it's been mentioned before that this is something he thinks he might be able to get used to, were it to continue to happen, but only time will tell on that front, won't it?

he lets her finish talking, a ridiculous and all-encompassing urge rising up in him to pull her into a hug, but that's … not something he's very well-versed in, either. vash hugs him, and rem had — he's never actively sought out something like that for himself. funny, that. )

He definitely has no issue bringing others into his orbit. ( he says softly, fondly, the sort of warmth dripping from his voice that could only ever be meant for vash. ) I believe you. I'm not very good at letting another take care of me, but I don't think I would mind if you gave it a try. ( a beat. ) So long as I'm allowed to return the favor. ( and that, uh … doesn't exactly mean the blanket thought of 'i'm going to learn how to cook because i want to feed everyone'.

this is just for you, little one. )

[notsonewbie]

[It's a good thing he doesn't pull back. Already, she's acclimating to every whorl on the pads of his fingers and every bump of the knuckles. Her eyes close for just a split second, relishing the contact and reciprocating it in kind. Her own thumb moves against his skin, as if to help him adjust to her presence in kind.]

You know... you're not so different, even if you might try to deny it. [Her lips crack into the faintest of smiles, mirth dancing subtly within the notes of her voice.] You managed to pull me in, after all.

[Her eyes finally crack open, shifting this way and that until they finally settle on his own. She hesitates only for second, only because it circles back to her. But even that isn't enough to fully stop her.]

I... think I can accept that. Potentially