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[notsonewbie]

derringers

derringers#1225

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ABOUT ME

Meryl Stryfe, at your service!

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(Unless it's about something Vash did)

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[scads]

( that's just it — of course it is — that he isn't suffering anything,only that he's so unused to it that it catches him by surprise. he might have mentally kicked himself, maybe, if he actually had tried to pull away and she'd released him, because so much progress is being made here that he doesn't want to risk mucking it up.

but he maintains. he holds firm. he steels himself for the sort of contact he would never, ever have expected to actually enjoy from a human, but then again it's been said before that she has, essentially, overshot any expectations he might have had to begin with. hasn't it?

he really doesn't mean his words to stick like they do — it isn't as if he knows anything about wolfwood calling her little lady when they'd first met — and because he doesn't have much experience in being around others like this, the way she puffs up … almost makes him laugh. because it's endearing in a way he isn't about to put a voice to, and. well. kind of cute in another that he's going to keep to himself. for a myriad of reasons.

his eyes are practically glittering at the edges when he gazes down at her again, having looked away in a valiant attempt at keeping himself in check ( and it worked, thank you ), and damn everything if the smile spreading across the bottom half of his face isn't almost identical to some his brother has given in the past.

it's in the small nuances that one really can tell they're twins. ) It's— ( breathe, knife. you really don't want to ruin this, do you? ) You misunderstand, I mean no offense. ( he promises, even if he pauses at 'hundreds spoons' ( thanks, roberto ) and offers a quizzical look before carrying on, gently squeezing her fingers again. )

I mean it as a term of endearment. ( you are little, you know. and you're a baby in age compared to him and vash. )

[notsonewbie]

[Meryl is doing her best to remain angry, steamingly so. Which makes it all the more infuriating when he starts to smile. She can see that he's trying to hold it back, which would maybe give him credit, if he weren't so endearingly handsome when that resolve finally cracks. It's a good thing she's set her tea down, because she throws her hands up in her absolute frustration, before crossing them tightly over her chest.]

Endearment. [She huffs.] I'll give you a pass because you're still learning, but it isn't very endearing being talked down to.

[But if that weren't the case... why did her heart skip a beat when he said it? Why did her stomach rustle with a sudden bout of butterflies? It's an embarrassing reality that she doesn't want to think about for a multitude of reasons, none the least of which come back to the fact that he's being rude!]

Let's try a list of other things you could call me. Smart One. Pretty One! Determined One! Heck, you could even call me Human One!

[Still huffing and puffing, she finally picks up her tea again. She finds a way to sip it angrily, even if it doesn't linger long. The reminder that he made this for her, that despite his missteps, he's trying to be nice keep her from maintaining a grip on her wrath.]

[scads]

( knives has never really had a reason to try to mask his amusement before — mostly because his brother is the more animated of the two of them, this one erring more on the side of neutral, unreadable expressions more often than not — but he's finding in his extended stay here that it's becoming more and more difficult to keep certain things to himself. especially when in the company of the one before him now.

he lets her go on, and on, and on as she huffs and puffs ( better be careful that you don't blow the place down ), only speaking up again when he thinks she might be finished, still watching her quietly from out of the corner of his eye. at least … he isn't laughing anymore. ) Pretty One … I think that's a good match, but it doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it? ( he's teasing, just as much as he thinks she'll let him get away with, but at least he's pretty sure he knows when to dial it back because she's going to blow a fuse otherwise.

a beat, and then: ) Feisty One would also work, I think. ( and excuse him while he hides his grin behind the rim of his mug as he finally drains what remains of its contents. please don't kick him. )

[notsonewbie]

[Worked up as she is, it takes Meryl a few seconds to properly process what it is Knives has said. She takes it, at first, as acknowledgement, before barreling into the second half of his statement - ]

Fine, we can absolutely settle on - [Her jaw promptly snaps shut. I think that's a good match, he'd said. She knows better than to think that Millions Knives, of all people, thinks she's pretty, but let her live in the fantasy for just a few seconds.]

Feisty one is fine. [She grumbles it quickly, before lifting her mug up. She sips her tea loudly, as if to put an end to the conversation. Nope, she's not going to entertain these thoughts any further.]

[scads]

( he might not be able to say it out loud — not yet — but he does think she's pretty, in a way that he's never really found himself looking at a human before. she's small, but she isn't delicate, she has a strong heart and a strong soul, and he understands immediately why his brother would be so drawn to her. why he would be so hell-bent on making sure nothing happens to her.

he may as well count himself among those that want to protect her, now. as tentative as their friendship is, he's decided that much. whether she knows it or not.

maybe he'll just keep it to himself for the time being. what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

he hums quietly under his breath, in the back of his throat as she hides the bottom half of her face behind her mug. ) Pretty feisty one. ( he finishes, and yes, there is emphasis on that first word, but it could just mean … that she's pretty feisty. he'll leave that up to her to decide. )

[notsonewbie]

[Though the way her lips part at that addendum is obfuscated by the mug, the widening of her eyes is not. It lasts only a second, before they narrow just slightly. There's a certain focus in her gaze, one she holds as tries to map out exactly what he'd just said. Had there been emphasis there? Or was it simply in her head. She tries to find the answer on his face, but finds nothing.

Not that it keeps the tips of her ears from warming instinctively all the same though.]

We can - go with that. [She gives no indication one way or another, merely agrees with him in the most mild of ways. She immediately tries to cover it up with another sip but... alas. All of her panicked sipping has left her mug empty.

Which means there's nothing to keep her from saying something absolutely stupid.]

And what are we meant to refer to you as? Handsomely cryptic?

[scads]

( he speaks mostly in riddles because that's … just how he is these days, and perhaps it's a product of willing solitude, perhaps it's something else altogether but he's never been particularly good at normal conversation. not outside of vash, but before he'd woken up here it had been a long, long time since they had been able to sit and have a civil talk.

more than a hundred years, but that's neither here nor there.

this. this is something he thinks he's quickly catching himself getting used to.

with both of their mugs empty ( all that frantic sipping was bound to leave them like this sooner rather than later, naturally ), neither of them have much to do with their hands, much less their mouths, seeing as keeping hold of an empty mug is a bit of a moot point. her question leaves him more than a little bit speechless for a handful of seconds before he finds his composure again, picking through his words carefully. as though they were bits of glass and he's entirely too mindful of drawing blood.

his own, not hers.

he takes a deep, steadying breath in. ) I suppose … you could give some thought to calling me Nai. ( and he lets it out through his nose, a slow, slightly unsteady exhale. ) If that wouldn't be too awkward a venture. ( there have only ever been two people to call him by his given name. one of them is vash.

the other … it's his fault she no longer draws breath. )

[notsonewbie]

[With nothing more to do with her hands, Meryl shifts to the next most logical thing — washing their mugs out. It wouldn't do to just leave them in the sink, not when they were otherwise idling in the kitchen as it is. She holds her hand out expectantly for the other mug. One way or another, she'll turn back to the sink and start scrubbing. The water runs low, so she can hear Knives perfectly as he speaks.

Not that it matters. Not when she doubts the words she hears anyway.

Her immediate response is to drop the mug she's holding. It's a lucky thing that it wasn't far from the bottom of the basin. The mug thunks against the bottom, but thankfully doesn't shatter. With her back turned to him, he can't see the way her eyes go wide and wild.

His name, the one presumably given at birth, is not lost on her. Anyone that survived July had probably been haunted by the desperate cries of it as two brothers warred through the buildings. Despite knowing, however, she'd never dared to speak the name aloud. If it was something that was meant to be wildly known, Knives would have referred to himself as such.

The conclusion was easy: it wasn't hers to use. At least, not until now.

Leaving the sink be for now, Meryl turns around. Her hands are wiped on her pantlegs, all while she, too tries to find steady ground within her mind.]

Are you sure? [She winces even as she speaks. Clearly he's sure, he wouldn't say it if that weren't the case. But the words are already out in the air, and all she can do is speak around them.] It's not awkward to me, at all, that's not the problem. I just... don't want you to feel like it's an obligation.

[scads]

( he hesitates a moment, but ultimately gives his mug over for her to wash; of course it had been his intention to do the washing himself, but it doesn't surprise him in the slightest that she beats him to it. always so quick on the uptake, this one …

but she's right, dishes may as well be washed and put away to dry if they're going to keep standing in the kitchen like a couple of bumps on a log. it never does anyone good to stay idle for too long.

his brows furrow briefly when she drops the mug, but he doesn't move to check on her; he's sure it has something to do with the mention of his given name, the name of the one he'd once told his brother was dead, and that he'd been the one to kill him, to boot. a name synonymous with the sort of innocence he hasn't been in possession of for over a century in a half, not since he'd caused the sky to fall and broken the trust of the only family he had left.

the name of a frightened little boy that had always wanted to have the same kind of faith in humanity his brother had, but had never been able to find it.

( and isn't that when gods are made, when displaced faith has nowhere else to go? )

it's a name he'd thought he never wanted to hear again, at least not until he'd woken up here and it was one of the first things he'd heard upon seeing his brother again, whole and looking no worse for the wear. he's gotten used to it since then, of course, months upon months of being called nothing but that by vash, and maybe … initially he'd thought that he would never let anyone else use it. between vash … and rem, it was sacred.

and maybe he's changing his mind about that.

when she finally turns to face him again, there's a softness to his expression that only vash has seen before, and a firmness to his voice that means he's serious. ) There is power in names. It's why I sought to change mine to begin with— ( he starts, and stops, seems to ponder his words before he begins again. ) Leaving that name behind meant detaching myself from everything that had so far come with it. Vulnerability. Helplessness. ( he pauses again. ) Fear.

I don't feel any of that here. Not anymore. So, yes … I'm sure.

[notsonewbie]

[Knives speaks, and Meryl listens. There's an almost intense level of focus on the man right now, undivided attention now focused solely on him. This was far more important than any university lecture, and definitely worlds better than any anecdote Roberto would have offered up for her. This is Knives' story, and she wants to memorize every word.

She doesn't pity him, that isn't the right word. But her heart does ache. It's hard to imagine Knives ever being vulnerable or helpless, but she has no reason to doubt him. Nor does she have any reason to doubt his reasons for rejecting his name. Unfortunately for her, whatever compassion and concern she has welling in her chest quickly manifests itself into words. Stupid, foolish words.]

You don't have to be any of that. Not here. Not with me. [As if she, not even 5 feet tall, could ever do anything about the horrors Knives had faced. All she had was a fiery temper and a tiny gun, none of which could stand up to much anything back home. Still, she speaks the words with every bit of conviction that a better built, more prepared person might.]

You deserve that safety here - [A pause.] Nai.

[scads]

( it almost feels as though he's breaking himself open in front of her, admitting to all of the things that are spilling out of his mouth; like he's willingly digging into the spaces between his ribs and prying them apart, letting her see all the delicate, intricate inner workings that no one has seen except for vash.

that he'd never wanted anyone but vash to see, because he'd been there from the very beginning, from the start and end of their falling apart, and now, he's … trying to build something else from the ground up. lay the framework, the foundation that terrifies him so completely that a part of him wants to step away from it, but won't, can't, because he can't keep being afraid of moving forward.

he can't keep being afraid of what the future holds for him, and anyone that finds themselves in his periphery.

she speaks, says hi name — nai — and his throat tightens almost painfully. ) I'm not sure of what I deserve. ( he says slowly, thickly, like the words are molasses in the back of his throat and have little want to let themselves be known. ) Not after everything I've done, and your kindness is surely not a part of anything I do deserve. ( a beat, and he almost reaches out to her, wanting to pull her into a hug, but restrains himself from the motion. ) But the selfish part of me is glad to have it, regardless.

( thank you. )

[notsonewbie]

[Knives — Nai — might be peeling himself open, but for Meryl, the process couldn't be gentler. She all but holds her palms out, cupped together to accept this sacred offering. She doesn't have to use her imagination to know what he must be going through, figuratively and literally. It didn't take much investigation to know that this was untread ground for him.

Not after everything I've done, he says, leaving Meryl to consider the very same. It doesn't change her answer, only leaves her to wonder where it all fits in. It isn't her place to forgive him of his sins, not the ones that don't involve her at least. But it doesn't have to be, not really. Not when she thinks about it.]

We can't change what happened before. [She's trying to channel her best impression of what Vash might say. He's always been the paragon of forgiveness, and making said forgiveness sound believable.] But since you've gotten here, you've at least been nothing but kind to me. And if this is meant to be some kind of... new start or something, then I'd say you deserve it, based off of that merit.

[Okay, yeah. Maybe she should save this for Vash. She offers a nervous, almost guilty smile.]

Look. I know it doesn't mean much, coming from me. [She's small. Her gun is smaller. There isn't much she can do.] But I'll do what I can to make sure that safety isn't disturbed, okay?

[scads]

( vash doesn't even know about everything — he can't, with how their memories seem to be skewed, and even though he hasn't asked directly, he's already come to the conclusion that there are things missing for his brother that are still fresh in his own memory. one day, they're going to have to have that conversation —

and he doesn't want to have it. he doesn't want to think of his twin, that he's finally managed to reconnect with so intimately pushing him away and wanting nothing to do with him. because he's convinced that's how it would go.

meryl was there. meryl had seen every single bit of it, and she still accepts him. his faults, his flaws and everything in-between. the things that he would go back and change, given the chance, would make right as though they had never happened in the first place.

vash has always been the forgiving one, yes — but would he be able to forgive him if he knew everything?

he's quiet for a moment once she's finished her piece, and there's something — something warm and soft and safe that urges him to reach out to her, gently cupping the side of her face with one large hand, thumb stroking lightly over the highest point of her cheekbone. it's a small gesture in comparison to everything she's offering him here, but he can't think of anything else to give her. not yet. )

But it does mean something, coming from you. You aren't obligated to say any of the things you've said, and here you are … sounding so much like my brother that it's almost uncanny. ( he chuckles at his own poor joke, but sobers up quickly enough. ) I don't— ( he shakes his head, more to himself and whatever intrusive thoughts are trying to encroach on this feeling of belonging. ) I don't think I could ever explain how much it means, just know … please know that it makes all the difference in the world.

[notsonewbie]

[The hand settles against her face, and Meryl jumps instinctively. It isn't Knives fault by any stretch. The problem with Meryl is that she spent so much time back home with her nose in a book, in her studies, in her work, that she never gave herself the chance to live. And so any contact is bound to startle her. Especially when it comes from Millions Knives.

(It doesn't help that she hasn't had the crash course in physical contact and affection that the masquerade would come to provide. This is probably the first time anyone has ever touched her, save for one very unwarranted manhandling out of a certain city.)

That doesn't mean she stays away, though. When her brain finally processes what is happening, her head leans back into the touch. Her cheeks, as Knives will undoubtedly feel, begin to warm. She doesn't mind this at all, it would seem, especially given the way her hand rises up to settle above his own.]

Vash has a way of changing the people he spends time around, doesn't he? [The words are warm, just as affectionate as any she's dished out to Knives. Vash is probably the person she's closest to, her best friend. Of course she would be changed by him.]

Just don't think it's because of him. Or an obligation to him. I'm here because it's my choice. I want to - uh, take care of you - because that's my call.

[scads]

( he's never been so tactile, and such a move surprises him just a little bit, too — but it doesn't feel wrong by any stretch of the imagination, though there is a flicker of concern that disrupts his expression and he does think, for a small moment, that it had been too much, too soon. he's never been impulsive, not like this, anyway. maybe she's bringing it out of him.

he almost retracts his hand, his touch entirely but she ends up leaning into it in a way he isn't really expecting, but to say he'd been expecting any of this in the first place would be trying to get away with the biggest, fattest lie he's ever told, and while he might be a damn good manipulator, that doesn't mean he's a very good liar when it comes to things like this. he'll actually be pretty terrible at it, if he ever tries, but let's just hope that he doesn't.

her skin is warm, and soft, and pleasing in a way that he doesn't think he has a word for, yet; it's remarkably essay to be like this with her, sharing space and quiet conversation and, previously, tea. it's been mentioned before that this is something he thinks he might be able to get used to, were it to continue to happen, but only time will tell on that front, won't it?

he lets her finish talking, a ridiculous and all-encompassing urge rising up in him to pull her into a hug, but that's … not something he's very well-versed in, either. vash hugs him, and rem had — he's never actively sought out something like that for himself. funny, that. )

He definitely has no issue bringing others into his orbit. ( he says softly, fondly, the sort of warmth dripping from his voice that could only ever be meant for vash. ) I believe you. I'm not very good at letting another take care of me, but I don't think I would mind if you gave it a try. ( a beat. ) So long as I'm allowed to return the favor. ( and that, uh … doesn't exactly mean the blanket thought of 'i'm going to learn how to cook because i want to feed everyone'.

this is just for you, little one. )

[notsonewbie]

[It's a good thing he doesn't pull back. Already, she's acclimating to every whorl on the pads of his fingers and every bump of the knuckles. Her eyes close for just a split second, relishing the contact and reciprocating it in kind. Her own thumb moves against his skin, as if to help him adjust to her presence in kind.]

You know... you're not so different, even if you might try to deny it. [Her lips crack into the faintest of smiles, mirth dancing subtly within the notes of her voice.] You managed to pull me in, after all.

[Her eyes finally crack open, shifting this way and that until they finally settle on his own. She hesitates only for second, only because it circles back to her. But even that isn't enough to fully stop her.]

I... think I can accept that. Potentially